Each month, I focus my blog on a different theme. Earlier in the month, I introduce a subject, and then later explore my own experience of it – from manifestation to surrender, and everything in between. I do this because I believe it’s essential that I share my own successes and struggles with you, rather than simply spout generic information. I want you to know you can trust me and my story. I understand what you’re working through because you can bet your bottom dollar, I’ve been there.
“…you can grow and heal after even the most turbulent changes.”
Change is something that we all face throughout our lives – but, damn, I’ve been hit hard and heavy with it. I don’t say this for sympathy – far from it. I say this because I want you to know that you can grow and heal after even the most turbulent changes. I know because that’s exactly what I’ve done – and you can too.
Change has definitely been one of the biggest constants in my life (and the irony isn’t lost on me that my early career was in change management… Seriously, you couldn’t make this stuff up!). Unexpected scenarios and circumstances beyond my control have forced sudden – and often life-changing – events upon me, whether I was ready for them or not; from the end of long term relationships where values were no longer aligned to the sudden death of my best friend before we reached the age of 30.
“…2 burglaries just five months apart…”
Often, the changes have been in quick succession; in the last 4 years, I’ve had 10 bereavements, a house move, business losses and successes, and developed several health issues (as a result of my emotional responses to the sheer amount of change). Throw 2 burglaries just five months apart into the mix too, which cleared me out of practically everything I owned. The Universe has got a dark sense of humour, eh?!
But, in the case of the burglaries, instead of responding in the same way I had with the other big changes (which would have no doubt created more stress and potentially more health issues), I took myself outside of the situation and tried to view the experience as an observer, without the emotional attachment to the material possessions I’d lost. Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t easy – but definitely a huge, life-changing lesson in how to let go and to accept the natural ebb and flow of life. We win some, we lose some. (Though I know it can sometimes feel like we lose more than we win…)
Working on myself at a very deep level for over 10 years now – and it definitely works – I’ve developed enough self-awareness to recognise that I had an issue around control. My responses to situations were in direct correlation with my desire to control the outcome as I believed that doing so would protect me from more suffering. I began to see that I was allowing my fears to run the show, which was manifesting as desperate attempts to control and micro-manage my own life. It was difficult (understatement of the century) but I began to understand that these fears had developed from a traumatic childhood and had stayed with me into adulthood.
The last 5 years have given me the perfect platform to put this new awareness into practice; there’s been change throughout my life but how I now react to it has been the biggest change of all. I’ve taken small steps and actions that have lead to huge shifts – not least of all surrounding myself with amazing people that have supported me throughout. Don’t underestimate the incredible healing power of a good support network!
Something else that’s really helped me on my journey with change (and I know can definitely help you too) is to find something to anchor myself to during those big transitions. Finding something that I’m committed to during even the scariest storms has given me stability and focus even when everything else is changing. For me, my commitment has always been on inner work – not searching for things to fix or following programmes or systems but rather dealing with issues straight away when they organically arise. My other commitment has – and always will be – being deeply in service to others.
“…when we accept what is and re-frame it to know that something better is coming…”
If there’s one thing I’ve learned that I could leave you with, in the hope it brings you comfort when the tides of life begin to change, it’s this; when we accept what is and re-frame it to know that something better is coming, something better always does come. When we’re too busy focusing on what we’ve lost or trying to control what happens next, we can miss out on the gift that was always supposed to take its place. So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy; we get in our own way of happiness and what we’re ultimately destined for. We then have to wait until it comes around again (and it will come around again…) to relearn and master the lesson.
Know that, throughout the crazy whirlwind of life, even during the toughest changes, something greater is coming for you. That’s the beauty of life.